James Lineberger

In Issue 10 on April 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

if i speak openly

if i speak openly
of my youthful
am i not still a racist
even if just a teensy bit
would it help
if i were a catholic
and could leave
clean or lean
on your love
and tell you i’m no longer
that person that
you must forgive me
i was only 24 (who were you
at 24?)
or go the last mile
alone nobody left to
say it to but
jesus but christ he is
so easy just opens
the door to anybody
for anything and i don’t buy that
because just because
if somebody claims to be only half
a murderer
and he can nod off into the here
with a smile on his face
knowing jesus wept
but jesus loved him bless jesus thank
you jesus and that
is all that counts
no no you know that’s not right
cause jesus can pray
all he wants to and he can maybe
save my soul like he says
but there’s nobody i know not
even him can fix
this brokenhearted heart or take back
all the times i said
and keep on saying even now even if
in jest fuck you moh foh
because the past
does not die just because we say so
not even because we believe it
and i’ve come to see
finally that every rotten moment
in my life
goes on breathing
to the last breath
of denial and whatever was
will always be because
i am not just the sum of what i am and wish
for but every molecule
of every particle
i can no more help but smother and bring out new
than the very
color of the eyes sometimes
green then blue

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