numinousmagazine

Tendai R Mwanaka

In Issue 3 on May 1, 2009 at 10:50 am

I Have Achieved Me

A palimpsest bliss is the green glimmer of the sun corona
People in huge huge numbers as they dips into shadows and their meanings are lost

The colours of the distant rocks; grey, gold- a deep amber
A line of brown- grey pale-pasted ribbons of rocks are like Hues of an egret’s feathers flying past me, the past-
Is like rocks flying on their own fingertips

The faint sound of voices fixing into my memories and I restowing the inward view and give myself a little rope to haul myself inwards
I know it myself, I have always known it, that something is broken inside me

But I will tunnel in like victims always surviving the abuse by speaking to fish in my own dreams without even the need to respond to myself
This is an ancient conceit

There is nothing I can do now but don’t ever think that I am a coward for once I was human
And I loved her, those wild wild shores
And I am now thankful that I have achieved me

For you are studying me and I am the tamed records but you only have a face to measure me by

Don’t sheath your blade but draw the blood of your finger
Who owns this river passage that flows from your finger?
Not you, none of us, no one is— more transparent than these maddened waters that are the blood waters of our fingers

I Cannot See You

What adventures have you experienced from animal furs to human garments?
What hardships of your youth are the long steps of the ladder?

We would make another long leap but we need water rings because this room would reject us.
I mean here—, this time.
Testing us—, this time is always testing us.

Too much has happened, too much and there is no honest reality anymore.
And if you don’t trust me, I must pity you for trust is my first reality.

It is the designs of my religion.
Wheels and wheels upon wheels rolling like an insane wheel and even this will go—,

You are looking for another frontier?
We could go there and never return and we will grow, we will evolve!
Are there any strange animals where you are going?

Find it in your palms, this planet for you are holding it—-
Find it!
You anger knows it where your reason does not.
Cling to it
Wallow in it.

How does a child knows it and what would a child choose?
Your youth still demands that you be given your moment.

But if one of you dies—
It is only the required event for one direction is as good as another.
You cannot go back—

The sun comes up and sand is soft beneath out feet.
This is what we drink for sand is our enemy.
The longer I endure it the more vulnerable I am.

I love you by right of loneliness and I read you by your emotions.
This is the worth of your measure-
The motivation for the leap is lost in this revelation.

My love does not discard, accumulate, stimulate, delude.
My love is without centre, self,
My love has no desires of results, goals, perfections, visions—-.
My love accepts your nakedness.

You say you are not arguing, but that I permit you to know nothing else.
This derives from our ancestors for we can create nothing, but ourselves.

We can see our tracks on the sand but our tracks do not have flesh.
We will go—, but may never return.
And I cannot follow you because I cannot see you

Tendai R Mwanaka: I have published several poetry and short stories in UK, USA, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, INDIA AND SOUTH AFRICAN MAGAZINES, inclusive of the following; wordgathering, decanto, winningwriters, earlscourt, newcontrast, itch, poetrylifeandtimes,languageandculture, kota, kritya,barnwood,beyond the rainbow, curious record,idiom and I have work forthcoming in decanto, newcontrast, wordgathering, snailpress and newcoin

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